


Taking a Step

by Casey_K



Series: Realisations and Reparations [6]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-22
Updated: 2015-01-22
Packaged: 2018-03-08 15:23:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3214055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Casey_K/pseuds/Casey_K
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Danny and Steve face off about what's been going on. The happenings of 'A First Step' from Danny's POV.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Taking a Step

**Author's Note:**

> I'm aware, after the discussions from the last entry, that this episode from Danny's POV may make things worse...and I apologise in advance for that...but this is how it went down in my head. 
> 
> If it's any consolation, I don't think for a second Danny is going to let Steve get away with much in upcoming entries ;)
> 
> So, don't own them, not beta'd.

Recap

Danny took the phone in a shaky hand. “Steve?”

“What can I do for you, Danny?”

Danny ignored the mock patience in Steve’s voice and took a deep shuddery breath. “I’m sorry.” He let that sink in a little before continuing. “I’ve been a dick. Come home and we’ll talk, okay?” _Home, home to me._

“Now you want to talk?” There was irritation in Steve’s voice but something else too, relief maybe?

“Yeah, I want to talk. And shout. And maybe punch you a few times.” Steve huffed a laugh but he didn’t say anything. “Please?” Danny added. “I just need five minutes. I have to see you.”

“Okay.”

OoOoOoO

Danny handed the phone back to Chin. “Thanks for that.”

Chin smiled, but it was the kind of smile you give to a child when you aren’t sure they are going to like what comes next. “Do you get to thrash it out with him?

“Yeah, I guess. He’s on his way back.” Danny sighed. “Do you know what this is about?”

“Danny, I’m going to be honest with you, and I’ll say to you what I said to Steve…” He waited until Danny nodded in agreement. “You are both as bad as one another. You expect to…well, I don’t even know what, and I don’t want to…but you don’t talk to each other.”

“I talk.”

“You spoke to him, did you? You’ve explained to him why you were ignoring his calls, why you needed space?”

Danny stared at his feet. He’d been too hurt to broach the subject, and too afraid of hearing that Steve had made a mistake and wasn’t interested in making a go of something. “You think it’s my fault?”

“Not at all. I’ve only heard snippets of Steve’s side of the story and it’s enough to tell me you’re both being stubborn. So stubborn you’re going to break something for nothing other than your pride. And yes, I told him the same.”

“That’s the only reason he’s coming back?”

“You’re doing it again. You’re looking for a reason to prolong this…whatever it is. Now, I’m not saying you didn’t have good reason in the beginning, but can you truly say you have good reason to keep this up?”

Danny shook his head. He had a good reason to be pissed at Steve. He was still pissed at Steve. But, he didn’t have a good reason to keep him and arm’s length and not talk about what had happened, and he certainly didn’t have a good reason to let the guy he loved go off to god knows where, playing SuperSeal without setting things straight, saying his piece and letting Steve do the same. However much Danny was hurting, whatever Steve had done—or appeared to have done—Danny knew him well enough that there would be some reason behind it. It might not make sense in the real world, but in Steve’s world, it just might. 

Chin touched Danny’s shoulder lightly. “Why don’t you shoot off? It shouldn’t take him too long to get back… And whatever happens Danny,” Danny turned to face Chin, “whether he stays or goes, you are still _ohana_ , and you are not to take the blame for Steve’s decisions.”

“Thanks, buddy, I needed to hear that.”

 

The sun was hot. It hit Danny everywhere at once as he left the building and headed towards the Camaro. It was days like this that left him longing for the chill of the New Jersey winter. But he wasn’t in New Jersey, and this was his home now. The two people he loved most in the world were here and he didn’t want to be anywhere else. But as much as Danny wanted to give Steve a chance to explain, he also wanted to shout and scream and call him…what was it Kira had called him? Oh, yeah, an _arrogant bastard_ for breaking Danny’s heart and thinking it was okay. Or perhaps for not explaining to Danny _before_ he swept Catherine up in romance and kisses that he’d changed his mind. Or even for leaving at the drop of hat when Danny was obviously in a bad way. He was an arrogant bastard all right. Except…Danny knew he wasn’t. 

Danny saw the Steve nobody else did, the vulnerable Steve who hid everything behind a wall of bravado when really he struggled to pick up the basic cues of normal interaction. He could hear a grenade pin drop at five hundred paces, he could tell when a perp was going to shoot and when he was going to run, but give him a simple thing, like Kono needing a pat on the back because despite her amazing record she was still the rookie and needed reassurance, and he was lost. He didn’t forget to give her due praise because he was arrogant, it was because he was emotionally stunted, and if Danny wanted him, it was something Danny was going to have to get used to. 

That’s if Danny still had a chance, of course. Just because Steve had agreed to meet up didn’t mean Steve was ready to change his mind. The chances fell heavily towards Steve just wanting to clear the air before he got on with his life. 

The Camaro was stifling. Worse than the lack of air in the office, was the suddenly large interior of the car. Because the space usually occupied by the six foot SuperSeal was empty. Again. Or rather Danny’s space was empty, because he’d had to sit where Steve usually did and drive. And although he’d been doing that by choice for some time—leaving Steve to drive his truck to work—today it felt too much, because today Danny wanted Steve back. Even though he’d only ever had the promise of him in the first place. And why the fuck hadn’t he gone with that kiss? It could have been enough to seal the deal, to make sure Steve was his always. 

Danny found himself shaking. He didn’t even know where he was supposed to be meeting Steve, they hadn’t agreed anything definite, just that Steve was coming home. Danny figured the best place to be was Steve’s house. So they didn’t avoid each other for another few hours, evening, day… At least if he was sitting on Steve’s doorstep when he got back they could just get on and get it sorted. 

Danny wanted it sorted. 

By the time he got to Steve’s house he’d run through so many scenarios his head was hurting. He made himself as comfortable as he could and tried to think about what life would be like with Steve away on active duty, with Steve barely in his life at all. He was already sweating, but thinking about having no input and no real contact with Steve at all made Danny feel cold and clammy. He realised that whatever Steve said when he got back, Danny was going to beg him to stay. He was embarrassed by that realisation, and by the realisation he would do anything to make amends. Maybe. Probably. Unless… no, he couldn’t go down that road, everything would be okay. It had to be. 

It was a sad and lonely place Danny found himself in by the time he heard Steve’s truck on the drive. He noted the pause between the truck engine dying, and Steve getting out. His footsteps were whisper quiet, as always, but Danny could feel him getting closer. 

“Hey,” Danny said as Steve approached. He didn’t look up, wasn’t quite ready to meet Steve’s gaze. 

“I went to your place.” _My place?_ Danny looked up and …wow, Steve was…Danny blinked, had he always been that gorgeous? Steve shrugged, though Danny wasn’t sure of the reason. “I’m glad you’re here,” Steve said, and gave a tentative smile. He looked nervous. “I, uh…I think I have beer.”

“Beer would be good.” The answer to everything in their cocked up world seemed to lie in sharing a beer on the lanai. It had worked for them in the past; Danny hoped it would work now with the stakes so much higher. Danny stood up and allowed Steve to unlock the door. Steve stepped inside and held the door open for Danny to follow but Danny froze. What the hell was he doing? This man, the man he loved, and had told he loved, had broken his heart. Why was he going to brush that away over a beer? “Why did you do it?” Danny wanted to kick himself. This wasn’t the plan, but he couldn’t help it, the words had slipped out and now there they were, large as life, and refusing to back down.

“Do what?” 

_Do what?_ What else had Danny been expecting? “All of it.”

Steve dropped his bag and huffed. “Look, Danny, I realise this whole cold-shoulder thing from you is about something I’ve done wrong.” _Hallelujah, there is hope for us yet._ “I get that, I really do, but what I’d really like is for you to come in and have a beer with me so we can figure this out because I for one have no idea how we got into this mess, but I sure as hell want out of it.” 

No idea? He had to be fucking kidding? Surely, he wasn’t so oblivious to Danny’s feelings that he couldn’t see how dumping him for Catherine after declaring undying love was just a bit too much to stomach. 

Danny opened his mouth but Steve held up his hand. “And I mean out of the mess, not out of this,” he gestured between the two of them, “whatever it is, and whatever it’s going to be.”  


Danny gave a sad smiled. So Steve was expecting Danny to think the worst. Best to get it over with then. “Beer it is,” Danny said, and stepped into the house. He made his way to the kitchen and grabbed two beers out of the fridge and turned to hand one to Steve. “So, you have _no_ idea what you did that upset me, is that what you’re telling me?”

Steve popped his bottle cap and downed half the beer. He set it carefully on the side and leaned against the counter. He hooked his thumbs into his pockets and Danny had to hide a hard swallow, because fuck, he looked amazing. Amazing and untouchable, and the thought that Danny couldn’t reach out, wouldn’t be allowed to, was painful. “Danny, there’s no point me second guessing, you know how bad I am at that. Just tell me what I did and I’ll try to explain what it was supposed to be.”

That was an easy one. Danny sat at the table. He leaned forward on his knees and clasped his hands together. In Danny’s ideal world, what was Steve supposed to have done? “I just thought you’d choose me.”

Steve stared. The look was a mixture of aneurysm face and sheer disbelief and Danny snapped. 

“Don’t give me the face, Steven.” He hadn’t meant to shout, but fuck…what did Steve expect if he was going to be so damned blasé about it? “You told me you loved me. You let me think you were going to finish with Catherine and start something with me, and then you left me hanging. You chose her.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Great, Steve was shouting too. They hadn’t even made five minutes without losing it with each other. 

“The tux, the romantic sweeping off into the sunset, the kissing in front of everyone. You made it very clear where your affections were heading.”

Steve turned a funny shade of pink. “That’s what all this has been about? You’ve been ignoring my calls, pushing me away, had me considering returning to active duty, just because I did what you asked me to do?”

“Asked you? When then the fuck did I ask you to humiliate me in front of our friends, huh? When did I ask you to go all out on the romance with someone else and make me feel as though my confessions of love were worthless to you? When did I say that? I didn’t say that, Steven.” Danny wasn’t sure when he’d started pacing, his body had taken on a life of it’s own, reflecting his emotions as always. “I said if you wanted this, you had to end that, not take it to the next level.”

The look of disbelief was back. “You thought I was taking it to the next level with Cath?” Steve asked through gritted teeth. “And it didn’t occur to you to ask me about it?”

“What was there for you to say? Thanks Danny, but I guess Cath was more important than I thought, I don’t want to lose her so I guess that means you’re out of luck.”

“You fucking idiot.” Danny’s mouth opened but no words came out, the fucking nerve to call _him_ the idiot. “You said,” Steve continued, “you told me, Daniel, that I was not to cancel any plans I’d already made with Cath. Those were your very words and I followed them to the letter even though I didn’t want to, didn’t see the point.” 

Danny faltered in his anger, could Steve really be that stupid? He stared at Steve…it was all beginning to make sense. Danny almost didn’t want to hear the rest. No wonder Chin was so exasperated with them. 

“But I talked it through with Cath,” Steve said, his voice calmer but with echoes of sadness, “and she agreed it would be a fun way to say goodbye.”

The heat drained out of Danny’s temper at those words. “Say goodbye?” _Goodbye, he said goodbye to Cath?_

“Yes, Daniel, say goodbye. We didn’t even have sex because I didn’t think it would be fair to her after I’d just called time on our little arrangement.” 

_Holy shit._ Whatever excuse Danny had been expecting, it wasn’t that. It wasn’t even an excuse. It was a lame assed explanation of how Steve, as usual, lived on a different planet to everyone else with a fully functioning brain. It was literal Steve, with no concept of lateral thinking. 

“Cath and I haven’t had sex since we made our little confessions in the car because I am a decent person.” Steve paused. Danny waited, because he still wasn’t quite sure he was hearing correctly, but he was pretty sure Steve was telling him that Danny had got the wrong end of the stick—one of Steve’s warped sticks that nobody gets the right end of—but the upshot was, Danny was still in with a chance. “That kiss you saw, the one you decided was me choosing her over you, that was the last kiss we had.” Danny left out a huffed breath. His ribs ached and his head was pounding but he wasn’t sure why. “And at the end of the evening—and just so you are very clear, we had dinner and went dancing—I dropped her to her place, she kissed me on the cheek and told me not to break your heart or she’d come after me. Instead, you broke mine.” 

Danny was silent. _I broke his heart? This is so not how this was supposed to go._ Danny looked at Steve properly for the first time since he’d carried Cath away. If you looked past the ruggedly handsome exterior, with the lightest touch of the harsh situations Steve had put his body through, the truth of his words radiated from him. He was broken. The tension in his body, the dark circles under his eyes, the exaggerated lines over his forehead, and the slight shake in his hands. Danny wanted to pull him into a hug and not let go. Wanted to smooth his head and tell him it was all going to be okay. Steve had been a fucking idiot, but it was nothing compared to how bad Danny felt right now for not trusting Steve enough to just fucking shout at him at the time, and ask him what the hell he thought he was playing at. 

“Well, say something!”

“All those times you tried to call,” Danny croaked. “When you were trying to talk to me, get me to come to your place after work?”

“You said to finish with Cath and then we’d talk. I did everything you asked. I finished with Cath, I tried to talk, but you just shut me out. I thought you’d changed your mind, or were suddenly freaked out because I basically admitted to stalking you.”

Danny edged closer but hesitated when Steve pressed back into the counter. “And when you turned up at my place?”

Steve let out a long sigh and his shoulders slumped. “Kono heard about the situation at your building. We didn’t have any details. I thought…” Steve gave a full body shudder. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay, thought it would be a good chance to work things out.”

“But I pushed you away again.” _And rather than call me on it you walked away._

“You had a new friend that day,” Steve said sadly. He dropped his gaze to the floor and Danny felt crushed. “You made it clear you couldn’t stand to be around me anymore, that I was cramping your style.”

“So you left.” He had to make this right, they were both hurting so much, one of them had to take the first step, and one of them would have to go the extra mile just to get things moving. He took another step towards Steve and tried not to breathe too heavily just in case Steve bolted. 

Steve looked up. “I couldn’t stand by and watch you go off with someone else.”

“I had to watch you go off with Cath.” Danny’s voice was quiet, he didn’t want to push it too much right now, but he still needed Steve to see a little of what he’d done. “You didn’t even look at me.”

“I couldn’t. If I’d have looked at you, I wouldn’t have been able to go through with it. It should have been you I was whisking away. Don’t you think I know that, don’t you think I wanted that?” Steve sighed. “I just thought, after everything, Cath deserved a good send off. She’s put up with a lot from me over the years and she’s never complained. I wanted to do that one thing for her as a thank you.”

“It hurt so much.” Danny’s voice was raw with emotion and a single tear rolled down his cheek. 

“I had no idea, Danny, that you had so little faith in me that you’d think I would do something like that to hurt you.” And Danny had no idea how Steve couldn’t see that something like that would hurt enough that you’d lose faith even in yourself. “And in what world would I ever choose anyone over you? I thought I’d made my feelings very clear.”

“In the cold light of day, it all looked very different.”

Danny was so close, but there was something, something left over stopping him from reaching out and taking what he now suspected was still his. 

“And you?” Steve asked, his voice heavy. 

“Me what?”

“You and Agent I-hate-McGarrett-for-no-reason-whatsoever. Did you have fun?”

And there it was. Danny was back to wanting to punch him. “I didn’t sleep with her, you numbskull. God, as if.”

“Why not, she was obviously willing.”

Steve really didn’t get it. Danny started pacing, it was all he could do to work off the nervous energy reasserting itself in his body. “I was too broken up over you. And she got a bit scary. And, I didn’t like the way she spoke to you, which I told her by the way.”

“You stuck up for me?” Steve gave Danny a small smile and it warmed Danny’s heart. “What did she say?”

Danny beamed back at him, that small smile gave Danny some much-needed confidence. “She said she hoped we’d be very happy together.”

Steve laughed. Where the hell had that come from? Danny had obviously missed something. “It wasn’t that funny.”

The belly laugh subsided and Steve chuckled. “She said she thought the rumours about us were true when I told her I’d end her if all she was going to do was fuck you and shout about it.”

“Shout about it?”

“She was going on about having some kind of rating system. I think she must be sleeping her way around the United States and keeping score cards. I know of Marshalls who do that, I suppose it’s not a stretch to think FBI would too.” 

The air shifted around them as they united over a common enemy and Danny relaxed. It was going to be okay. They were going to be okay. He knew he’d dodged a bullet with Harris. It was a relief on two counts. Not having to deal with the fallout from her, and finally feeling able to push forward with what he really wanted even with so much still to work through. “Huh.” He smirked. “I don’t think she’d have had a rating high enough to score me.”

“Is that right?” Steve’s lips quirked at the edges as he teased and the tension in his body dissipated. That was definitely a cue, right there. 

“You don’t believe me?” Danny stepped in front of Steve again, but didn’t touch. “I’m so sorry for what I did to you, Steven, for how I made you feel.” Danny brushed a hand over Steve’s chest and they both shuddered. “I think we’ve tortured each other enough and I am willing to put this behind us and move on, if you’re willing to forgive me.”

The relief was overwhelming as Steve pulled Danny into a hug. “Danny, I was so scared.” Danny returned the hug, reaching his arms around Steve’s strong back and resting his head on Steve’s shoulder. It felt so good and it made Danny brave. 

“But you have to promise me something?”

“Anything. Anything you want, Danny.”

“Next time, and there will be a next time despite our best efforts…but next time we just say whatever it is.” Danny nestled in closer, it had been touch and go this time, and they had to put something in place to make sure it didn’t go south again so spectacularly. “However stupid it may seem, we don’t just bury it and assume the worst, okay?”

“Sounds good to me. Do I get to kiss you now?”

“And…” because Danny couldn’t let this one go under any circumstances. “You ever threaten to sign deployment papers because you’re mad with me, and I mean ever, ever, I will shoot you, do you understand? Not dead,” Danny added, “just maimed enough that you wouldn’t be of any use to your beloved Army…”

“Navy, Danny.”

“…your beloved _Navy_ …and you’d have to stay with me.”

“I’ll always stay with you.”

“How can you say that," Danny said, trying to mask his obvious amusement, "when you don’t even know if we have chemistry?” Steve grinned and Danny’s breath caught in his chest. This was it, it was really going to happen for them… 

“Oh, we have chemistry all right,” Steve said, and he brought their lips together, their ‘first kiss’ that would hopefully lead to a whole lot more.

**Author's Note:**

> Promise we will get past that first kiss for the next one...


End file.
